Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
