i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Randomize
