he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
