dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
