NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I love having hate sex.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
