I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
