just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
We need to rekindle our bromance
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
