I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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