Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize