hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
