Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
