Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
