Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Randomize
