we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
