please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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