chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
