just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
