my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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