I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
