In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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