were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
