i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
