I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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