Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
not ubering you a puppy
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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