Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
