New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
