69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
