Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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