drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
