I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
