this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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