this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize