I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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