Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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