Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Randomize
