He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
