You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
