No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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