is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
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