masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
