I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
