after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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