i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
