Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Someone shattered a urinal.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
