Just cropdusted the office
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
