I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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