I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
