I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
