I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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