No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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