Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
