: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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