you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
