My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
