The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize