I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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