3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
