walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
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