being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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