I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
