I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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