so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
