Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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