i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
They are going to name an STD after you.
The struggles of a small town man whore
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
