If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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