Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
